Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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