Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
