We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
