Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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