I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
