I wannas sexs uuuuu
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
