thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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