why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
