If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
