hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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