two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
