Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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