I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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