i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
