I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just puked most of my soul out..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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