Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
