and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
