He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize