New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
