Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
