I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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