Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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