But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
