So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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