Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
