Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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