I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
