Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
smell my finger.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
