I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
