Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
