i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
