I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
