You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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