i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
