Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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