Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
