Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have tasted many bathrooms
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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