The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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