I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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