omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm really busy with my period
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