his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
