Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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