I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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