Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can I color on your dick again?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
