yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
