sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
