i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
