doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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