I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
then he tried to convert me to islam
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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