Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
