guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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