I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
