great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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