conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
