at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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