I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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