she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
