dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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