Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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