Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
