I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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