i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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