Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
