woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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