I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
